Your recent call into the apostleship of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints fills me with hope. I am hopeful that you will continue your ministry to the marginalized and most vulnerable of our faith community. I am hopeful that you will continue to be a champion for women and children. I hope you will help lead this church institution more as Christ’s sanctuary to shelter His wounded souls, and not as Christ’s corporation that shelters His laws and tithes.
I remember when you came to visit us local church members here in Reno, NV. You spoke as if we were your individual friends. You vulnerably shared how your widowed mother lived with grace and fortitude. You shared how you converted to our faith as a young adult. You radiated empathy and humility. We felt seen. We felt heard. We felt loved. You left a piece of you with us. More importantly, you left a piece of God with us. I wanted to write you and thank you, but I didn’t know how.
I remember a few months after your inspired talk, startling news came to light about our policies related to clergy-penitent privilege, to the Bishop’s help line, and how it seems the church institution protects its leaders and its assets over its victims. In fact, our church (and others) lobbied to keep clergy-penitent privilege a current law in 33 states. Follow-up articles were published several times in the past year, as well as several other news articles about other LDS sexual abuse cases. Every time I read one of these articles I sob violently emotional, ugly tears of pain. I feel abused all over again. I feel unseen, unloved, and unprotected by the very church I covenanted to give my all to. It takes a piece of my heart each time I read another related article. Each time, I want to write a letter to apostles like you pleading for change, but there is no contact information, no way to write to you. In fact, we are urged not to. This saddens me.
With each abuse story, I want to walk away from our church and never return. But I can’t. This gospel of Jesus Christ has claimed too much of my heart to leave. It grieves me that our LDS community is not immune from sexual abuse, far from it. Utah, Idaho, California, and Utah have the highest rates of sexual violence in the U.S.
Instead of leaving the church, I’ve tried to lift where I stand. Because I haven't been able to write to communicate to higher leaders like you, I’ve talked to my Bishop. I pleaded for more abuse prevention training in our ward. I’ve cried to our Stake president for changes. I’ve pled to our visiting area authority to help. What I got was five minutes in front our stake council to teach them about the signs of abuse, reasonable suspicion, and mandated reporting. Otherwise all three of these priesthood leaders told me basically the same thing, “I agree with you, but I don’t have the authority to change anything.”
Here’s where you come in Elder Kearon! YOU DO HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO CHANGE SOME THINGS in our church now. I plead with you to continue being a champion of women and children. I beg you to advocate for stronger abuse prevention measures within our church institution! Any of these items below would make a huge difference. The sum of them would create a protective synergy worthy of the effort. It would save lives, mend wounds, and succor our children.
- Continue Emphasizing Two-Deep Leadership—no one-on-one situations. Period.
- Universal Background Checks—worldwide, not just where the local governments mandate them. The church of Jesus Christ should lead the fight against abuse, not drag its heels until legally forced to do more.
- Online Youth Protection Training--every two years (not three), require recertification of an extensive, multi-part abuse training, detection, and prevention. Concepts like these should be explained: abuse statistics, grooming, signs to watch out for, secrets, gaslighting, consent, healthy boundaries, reasonable suspicion, and how to make a report to local authorities. We need more than a 25 minute animated video.
- Monthly Training Modules--Short articles with 1-2 questions to answer could be emailed monthly to keep us current on youth protection standards. They would provide more detailed information and resources about abuse. Modules could educate us on empathy, healthy communication, cyberbullying, online safety, racism, sexism, self-harm, how to react to a youth disclosing abuse, measures of prevention at church activities, predator mentality, community resources, etc.
- Create a Stake Calling: Youth Protection Facilitator--This person would keep track of training status for individuals in the stake. They would hold an annual in-person training meeting for all adults working with children and youth. They would hold a separate annual training meeting for youth on the basics of abuse prevention, and how to respond if a friend discloses abuse (youth disclose to other youth far more than adults).
- Meaningful Consequences--If an adult has lapsed on their monthly modules for more than 6 months, then they can’t work with children until they catch back up. If an adult doesn’t recertify their online/in-person training, they don’t work with children until they do. Simple, straightforward action, taken as seriously as abuse itself.
- STOP Lobbying FOR Clergy-Penitent Privilege—Instead of using money, attorneys, and energy trying to keep these harmful laws intact, I beg for the church to lobby to REMOVE these loopholes from our state’s laws. Instead of worrying about being sued, please worry more about protecting victims.
- Advise Bishops and Other Leaders to Report Abuse. EVERY. TIME.—Full Stop. There should be no exception, no loophole, no advice that goes against protecting an abuse victim. Even most clergy-penitent privilege laws say that clergy “may withhold” information, not “must withhold.” Again, if we truly are Christ’s church then why would we ever avoid protecting the abused?
- Apologies are Wanted and Needed—No matter how good the policies, and how noble the intentions, missteps will still happen in a church run by fallible humans. This is where an empathetic and sincere apology can be a healing experience for all. Again, I beg the church to worry less about its image, blame, or legal culpability, and just apologize as a church institution when its members are hurt by it. A little vulnerability goes a long way.
- Vow to Continue to Improve—We are a LIVING church. We are run by continued revelation and by living prophets. When systems and policies need to better meet its members' needs, then please do so! Please keep up with the latest therapeutic standards in abuse prevention and training. Periodically and publicly announce a desire for this continued improvement in keeping the most vulnerable members safe and protected and valued.
My plea comes with love and hope in my heart, for you and for our church institution, and for all the past and present victims in our faith. Thank you.
Andrea Neahusan